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Dear Nancy,
"For some indeterminate reason, for FOUR days in a row, I woke up happy. I woke up inexplicably happy. My norm is neutral to negative. It felt great. Of course, it's gone now."
This was a comment from one of my riders.
My answer?
You've been coaching for the purpose of getting unstuck in your riding and personal life and to become happier.
And to ride better.
You have made a ton of progress in all those areas.
You have stepped up and picked up the reins and taken back control of your life.
Yet, the reason for waking up happy was "indeterminate" and your were "inexplicably" happy?
That was the goal. And it happened.
Why did you snap back to the "norm?"
Because instead of continuing to enjoy and embrace it, and to give yourself the credit for making it happen ....
To feel empowered by recognizing and accepting that you are now feeling and behaving in more empowered patterns ...
AND that YOU created it.
You downgraded the experience and your SUCCESS by giving it a meaning of ...
OUT OF CONTROL!
(Note that you did this to yourself with your language of "indeterminate" and "inexplicably.")
"My norm is neutral to negative."
Why is that your normal? Why is that your belief about who you are?
You have had a lifetime of shutting yourself down, so you have laid down those neuropathways in your brain.
You developed bad habits of thinking negatively. And also ...
Some of the "neutral" is from the shutting down caused from not wanting to feel bad or uncomfortable emotions.
To deal with life and the adversities that it sometimes brings.
However, when we build walls and/or block negative emotions, we ALSO are blocking the good feelings like ...
JOY!
Or even low level happiness.
Those emotions are just no longer accessible on the neuropathway that we laid down in that part of our brains.
This is why we worked on laying down a completely NEW neuropathway in the brain.
And we labeled THAT pathway (or bridle path) ... Equestrian Rockstar Mindset.
On THAT neuropathway, we think and take action that is empowering and creates peaks performance in all areas of our lives.
Replacing the old negative and unhappy thoughts with good ones.
Called happiness.
That is how we rewire the brain.
New neuropathways based upon changing the identity! And leading our thoughts and behaviors with THAT.
But yes, it will FEEL like uncertainty (anything that is new).
And depending upon how you are "hard wired," you either enjoy the thrill of uncertainty (cause you LOVE adrenaline) and welcome it ...
Or you LOVE certainty and "run back to your burning barn" to feel centered in your comfy chair.
This is why some people struggle to embrace the NEW NORMAL.
What should feel good actually feels unsettling in some ways.
And then again ... "of course it's gone now" says everything, right?
At least we are in control of creating certainty by staying stuck in our old ways!
Do you see what tripped up this rider?
(And by the way, this DID negatively affect her horse show results that weekend.)
Why? Because the belief was that she wasn't REALLY in control of her ALL her results.
Bad things, yes. But Good things "just happen." Or they don't.
(This is NOT taking personal responsibility to a whole new level!)
Sometimes, if we don't take control (and credit) and FEEL and EMBRACE the success we created by being more empowered ...
We will then pick up the reins and take control so we can FEEL successful by running back to the burning barn.
Back to our certainty. Our comfy chair.
After all, we are EXPERTS at executing THAT performance!
YES, can CAN create whatever results we want.
The question is, can you WANT the new results of happiness and performing like a Rockstar?
"We will always remain consistent with who we believe that we are." Tony Robbins
This rider worked hard and kept going over to and riding on the bridle path of her new identity of the Equestrian Rockstar, in all areas of her life, but then ....
Staying there and showing up every day with those same success results of being a happy and empowered rider?
HALT!
The thought was, "Wait, this is not me. This is not who I really am!"
Yes, it is! Or will be.
If you choose to embrace it and decide to BELIEVE that is who you WILL be. (NOT "can" be.)
The more you stay there on that path and embrace and practice that identity, you will eventually feel comfortable on that new bridle path.
And then guess what happens?
That old bridle path ... that OLD NEGATIVE AND POWERLESS VICTIM identity that you have perfected and have been "rocking?"
THAT will feel uncomfortable. THAT will be the uncertainty.
And then you will avoid that bridle path like the plague that it is!
And you will gallop back to the path of being in control of showing up and feeling the happiness, and seeing the results of, rocking the Equestrian Rockstar.
Complete transformations are about adopting new beliefs about who we are and what we can accomplish.
Then making a decision that we WILL accomplish it.
And yes, in the beginning, we don't REALLY believe that we can be that person or that rider.
But we ALL are today where our thoughts have brought us.
Our current results in life (or lack thereof) ...
Our identities and our beliefs ,,, were all created by us originally.
By repetitive thoughts and actions that we just kept practicing over and over.
So, if you have the power to create "the monster" ... so to speak ...
To create bad habits ... digging deep "rabbit hole" ruts on that neuropathway of your brain ...
You then just simply reverse engineer and design and practice being the Rockstar!
Lay down a fresh, new bridle path in your brain.
Become your own IT Director and code that computer!
Design and program yourself for happiness and success!
And just keep showing up as that new identity and behaving like one!
Act as if until you become.
It's a decision.
Make it a fabulous week!
Nancy Dye
Breakthrough Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength and Resiliency Trainer
Strategic Interventionist
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