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Hi Nancy,
Sometimes we take incoming fire from all sides ...
And the truth is ...
It sucks.
And hurts.
And/or it makes us angry.
If we ride, or choose not to show up in life with peak performance when we are in this emotional state ...
We may not make good decisions on "course".
Instead, we are literally engineering and pumping out stress hormones throughout our bodies and brains.
So, we can't depend upon our "gut instincts" in the ring.
Much less our "sight" since we are not seeing things clearly.
And because our emotional state is unbalanced, we are unbalanced in the saddle as well.
Becoming easily unseated, mentally or physically, is a state of being disempowered.
Remember, horses need certainty. They need BALANCED and strong riders!
They can feel this uncertainty and stress hormones inside of us!
Solution:
There are two paths ...
1. Focus on the negative events and make them worse inside our head which will add additional toxic load and stress. (Demonizing)
2. Minimize (even if we don't really believe what we are saying to ourselves AT FIRST) the negative events to loosen us up to move forward.
STUCK AND NOT CHOOSING EITHER ONE?
Stuck is not stuck. It is a DECISION to STAY on path number one!
("Stuck" is the STORY we are telling ourselves about that decision.)
Why would we stay stuck?
Either we don't have the tools/tecniques to make ourselves move forward ...
Or if we DO have those tools, we simply decide not to pick them up and move forward.
Which means, we don't WANT to move forward.
So why stay stuck in pain?
1. If we got stuck in the rabbit hole because of things in life that are out of our control (or a perception that they are):
a) Being in a pattern of rabbit holes actually feels like the comfy chair or a safe foxhole.
(The emotional pattern is familiar. It feels more protective than the uncertainty of "life out there." Down time to disconnect from life and reconnect with our feelings).
b) If we are blaming events or people (or animals), then that anger from choosing to be in a victim mindset helps us to feel powerful.
(But it is a fake and toxic power.)
c) Family and friends tend to jump in our foxhole and connect with us ... trying to pull us out of our rabbit hole.
d) Leverage/justification to make ourselves take a self-care vacation that could have been decided without the rabbit hole.
Solution:
How can I get my need met for feeling powerful and in control of my life in a way that serves me better?
This is where we need to make a decision ...
To get out of our self-engineered prisons. (Our "designer digs" if you will!)
Yes, other people, places, and things may have triggered us to be spinning around on this bridle path ...
(Again, being triggered is on us! That's all about not having inner strength and resiliency.)
But WE have the power to gallop over to the Equestrian Rockstar bridle path!
Anger is powerful and hard to give up.
But we can channel that to use it to take back our REAL power!
Our REAL power to take extreme ownership of our feelings and our SELF-MADE rabbit holes ...
Means a HALT and a decision to NOT giving our power away to others!
And instead, owning our power by picking up mental skills tools and applying them.
Owning our power to master ourselves ...
But that requires using that energy to gallop over to the NEW bridle path!
And all this will eventually deflate that need to be angry at other people, places, and things.
But to do this, we need to understand the reason and need to let go of our blame!
Staying in a victim rabbit hole is not a successful revenge plan against others.
Revenge is just another "fake and toxic power play."
Successful "revenge" is mastering ourselves.
(For those of you in my program; think "The Show Off Technique."
And that includes, doubling down on mental skills for self-care and empowerment.
Rituals gives us calm and feelings of self-control.
Spin around in the productive rituals instead of spinning down into rabbit holes that morph into fully decked out, custom designed foxholes!
It is all about your focus! And the meaning (perceptions) you give to those events.
Life and people are not perfect.
And yes, sometimes we take incoming fire from all sides.
But start with your identiy.
Who are you?
For me? This is pretty much how my life was starting as a child.
So, the good news about that old victim "story" is that it turned out the be the good news.
Because I had to change my identity from being a victim to being a victor.
My new identiy? "I am the master of overcoming adversity!"
"Bing it on!"
The answer is ALWAYS letting go of blame and taking extreme ownership of our feelings.
And deciding to look for that ladder in the corner and decide to climb out of our rabbit holes one rung at a time.
And putting the Universe on notice ... a sign on the "door" of the potential rabbit holes on our paths that says, if you will ...
"I don't do toxic blame and victim mindset! I fulfill my needs for power in healthier ways that serve me better!"
"I don't need to runaway and hide in foxholes anymore. I need more ammunition!" (Or I need to USE the ammunition I already have!)
Show up as a warrior, people! Be your own hero!
Our emotional triggers and states can sometimes be a battle.
But one worth fighting FOR and NOT running away from ... which becomes an addictive bad habit.
One stride at a time everyone ... we get there ... stronger than we were the day before.
Nancy Dye
Breakthrough, Peak Performance Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resiliency Trainer
Strategic Interventionist
1-561-866-0402
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